Today has been a really long day. I don't know why but I've been really down all day. Just really tired of having no money, of w0rking to be away from my child only to be able to save no money and get ahead. Why am I working, is what I constantly ask myself everyday. I don't feel challenged here anymore, I am bored every day here having to be nice to people all day long. It is so draining. I am grateful I have a job because we really truley do need my income but in the big scheme of things I feel like I'm letting Logan down being here. Why do I constantly feel so guilty? Is it going to get better at some point? He and Chip are the only things that constantly cheer me up. I am happy at home. I just feel like I'm working because we need it but its not making any difference really. Gr. Maybe tomorrow will be better since I'm off work.
I really love winter, I do. I love snow, its pretty. I hate driving 40 miles in snow or ice to get to work. It takes me longer and I was almost late to work today. And taking logan out when it is snowing or icy when I am already clumsy, I worry about falling and dropping his car seat. That mixed with the fact that OTHER drivers scare me. They are either going way too slow or riding my ass wanting to go 70mph. Seriously. Slow down. I don't like speeders when I have logan in the car or people who ride you. I just want to pull them over and yell at them. :/
Logan was making sounds like he was going to start coo'ing, so I was talking to him encouraging him to..and yeah all he was doing was getting to wear he could start screaming for food. lol. He loves his food, what can I say. He's really close though I think, if he's going to do it at all, maybe he'll just grunt his way through life.....lol
I also have mud all over our carpet from Apria healthcare, they are who deliver the oxygen. He walked in when he got there not thinking about it and dragged mud in the entry way. So I pointed it out to him and put a garbage back down and told him he'd have to go thru the kitchen to get to the tank in the bedroom. I put garbage bags for him and his dolly in the laundry room and in the bedroom. He tracked dirt and mud thru the kitchen and he stepped on the bags in the laundry room but the idiot still got mud all over the bedroom. He was like, sorry its not like I can help it since I have to bring the dolly thru the yard. I was so mud I could barely look or talk to him. I swiffered the kitchen and the dining room. All the while he showed at 12pm when I was not dressed yet, I was getting ready to get in the shower. So I had all this extra cleaning to do before I could get ready and get out the door. gr. My mom called the regional supervisor for Apria and they said its unacceptable that this wasn't address the last time the driver did it when she called his regular supervisor and then he did it again. She told my mom the driver & his supervisor would be reprimanded and we could get the carpets cleaned and they would pay for it. She said that the driver should have booties with him to put over his shoes.
Thats all I have for now. I might add more later. :) Have a nice day.
So today my mom calls me at 10:30am and was like.."you need to leave for work super early because the roads are super icy" so I hurry around getting ready quicker than I normally would. I mean I already leave an hour and a half early to take him to Chip's moms. I leave for work and get all the way to chip's moms house and the roads were not bad at all, they must have been earlier but she freaked me out for no real reason. Sigh!
That and I popped a blood vessel in my finger right before I left home. Don't ask me how it happened because I was standing still when it happened. I didn't bumb it on anything. Now my finger is bruised and swollen. And it sucks typing with it. Enough complaining.
I can't beleive how worried I get with driving with Logan in the car, that our house is going to catch on fire, that he's going to stop breathing in the night, that anything will happen. Having children suddenly makes you aware of everything that can go wrong.
Logan didn't sleep very long last night. He went to sleep about 12 and woke up at 4. Chip fed him only an ounce tho and he went back to sleep with Chip on the couch. Then he woke up at 7:30 to eat again, then again at 10:30. He grunts so loud when he's sleeping. We call him the grunt master 5000. lol.
I really don't have much else to say, I really thought I had more but thats all for now.
Logan in his moose outfit today to go to Grandma's..
Full outfit including shoes..
I love shoes for babies..heh
Last night sitting up on the couch he was making funny faces..
So I really only joined this because Heather belongs here and well she'll probaly be the only person to view this blog, so I guess I should just write to her..hehe.. as if we don't text message eachother all day anyway!
Never having any money. I mean how could I have any money when the shot for Logan's RSV is 325, however when they went to charge me for it it went up to 360 and some odd change. Yeah I was extremely irritated in the jump in the price too but apparently they have to send stuff to give him in case of an allergic reaction. Which I will be responsible for paying for the rest of his shots because SSI disability will only cover him from when born to 11/1 (which will pick up our out of pockets for the 230,000 in hospital bills we got). After 11/1 we make too much money to qualify. And I didn't send in the Medicaid form because we moved to Mercer co IL and the form was for Johnston Co Ia, but the SSI people said to send that form in but now they will only cover from 9/1 to current, so those 4 days at the end of August I will have to pay. Not to mention the 1200 from my delivery & care that I have to pay. And the 1000 in medical bills leading up to that. Babies are expensive!!
But so worth every penny.
At 2am Logan woke up to eat. He previously ate at 6pm or around then at Chip's Mom's house. So that's a long time, he obviously off schedule (which drives me insane). Anyway, Chip got up and got the bottle & I picked him up from his crib. I changed him into some pajamas and changed his diaper and then when Chip came back and fed him. When he was finished he started the hour long-i-am-going-to-cry-no-matter-where-you-put-me dance. Chip couldn't get him happy anywhere, he tried the swing, the bouncy chair, the crib on his back, the crib on his tummy, on his tummy on chips chest in bed. Nothing was working. So I took him from chip and layed him beside me, and he stopped. It was really that instantaneous. He's never really done that before so I was a little surprised. He finnally fell asleep next to me and then I put him back in his crib. This morning when I got up I went and got him. He doesn't quite coo yet but every once in a while he'll sigh loudly content like.. and he did that when I picked up him. It was adorable. I hated leaving him last night at Chip's mom's and then again today to go to work. I just want to go home. But then when I get home he's sleeping anyways. I really can't wait to switch to 1st shift.
Also I made and decorated sugar cookies with Jordan on Saturday. That blasted Rachel Ray makes it look so easy. Its not that easy. The dough kept sticking to the roller, I just wanted to throw it across the room. Then after that I am not used to my over and I got the cookies pretty crispy. Jordan had fun decorating them. They are cute cookies. Jordan is also learning to read and I was going through his flash cards with him, he has the most trouble with words ending in st. Like Last, Cast, Stilt.. But other words he gets right away. Its exciting that he's getting so big. But frustrating that he still throws fits and is almost 6 years old (the fault of my brother and jordan's mom). Poor kid. We are getting him a Nintendo DS for christmas, I am so excited!!!!!!
Looking forward to:
Janine coming home for Christmas & meeting Logan. Christmas! This friday I will have internet at home again! Thursday to find out whether or not we'll get our bonus's and If I will get one. (please cross all fingers and toes here. Logan starting to stay awake more, Smile more, & coo. Tune in for more to come! Something went really wrong with the first batch of cookies. Chip thought it was hilarious. Me? Not so much. I still blame Rachel Ray.
This is the finished result.. They are super cute and look really yummy!
Jordan and the cookie mess!
Something went really wrong with the first batch of cookies. Chip thought it was hilarious. Me? Not so much. I still blame Rachel Ray.